


Scars

by WatchforWitches



Series: Whumptober 2019 [13]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Early Days, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Trans Alec Lightwood, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 19:49:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatchforWitches/pseuds/WatchforWitches
Summary: At work if people see the scars littered across his skin they assume it's from fighting, lord knows every shadowhunter has enough scars to write books about. But with Magnus, with this thing between them, Alec's never been seen like this, never been so disarmed.Aka Alec over thinks a lot, even when he's enjoying himself.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Just a quick note here, yes Alec is trans in this fic, if you don't like that or its not your cup of tea than don't read it. It's not anything overly sexual but shirtlessness and general over thinking happens. Nothing dysphoria induced on Alec's over thinking. I'm trans nonbinary myself, and I understand its tricky to write trans characters, but I've wanted to write something along these lines for awhile, so when the prompt of scars came up it's what I first thought of. I hope you enjoy!

"I don't think you are getting out of this that easy," Magnus joked, sitting on Alec's thighs on the couch, holding his arms above his head, "I've got you pinned down."

"Who says I wanted to get out," Alec teases back, wriggling his hips under Magnus' weight. 

They had been taking this part of things slowly. Or, they had meant to be taking things slowly, and then they had managed to get into the position they currently found themselves. It wasn't a bed, and neither of them had lost any clothes, so Alec wasn't sure it would even go past this heavy flirting tonight anyways. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but in the moment he couldn't possibly remember why on earth they had talked about waiting. Something about not rushing a good thing, something about old wounds, Alec couldn't remember. Magnus was in his lap and he was content for him to stay perched there as long as he wanted to. 

"Hmm," Magnus mumbled, bringing both of Alec's hands together in one of his own to free himself one arm. He used said Alec to trail down Alec's side, bunching up the fabric of his shirt in order to rub across the plane of his stomach and hip. "Never met a shadowhunter who was so compliant to a downworld captor." 

Alec snorted at this, shivering despite himself when Magnus' hand trailed higher up his shirt. "You're hardly a captor," he poked back, knowing that Magnus would be off of him in a second if Alec displayed the faintest bit of discomfort.

They had talked their boundaries to death, even though they hadn't done anything past heated kissing, Magnus told him he wanted to be sure of what Alec would like and what he wouldn't. Alec had admitted he didn't know much past any of his hard boundaries, and they agreed to test the waters whenever the time would come. 

And he's trying to remember what he had said about his chest, if anything. The twin scars that lay across his chest, nestled between his ribs, weren't sensitive in the nature of touch, but Alec was always a little wary about their appearance. Most people didn't know what they really were, most people thought it was surgical, or long worn scars from some battle. Being a shadowhunter was helpful in some aspects of his scars.

Magnus knew, of course, Alec had told him as much, told him about the mundane doctor visits for testosterone injections and top surgery. He didn't care, not in the ways that Alec worried he might, he accepted Alec and still wanted him. Alec felt now just how Magnus still wanted him, hard against his leg, and it was thrilling and terrifying. He felt Magnus' hand skate along the edges of his scar, and shivered away the slightest inch. Magnus' hand withdrew from his chest, moving out to the top of his shirt. "Are you alright?" He asks it gently and breathy behind Alec's ear. This causes him to shiver again, and he wonders how many involuntary movements Magnus could pull from him without even trying. 

"Yeah," he answers, voice equally as shot as Magnus' own. "Sorry, I didn't mean to move so fast. No one's ever touched my chest like that." Like they wanted him, like they could lay him bare with the slightest twist of a finger. 

"Was it alright?" Magnus asks then, and Alec is aware he has stopped moving altogether. He appreciates the sentiment, although wishing he would keep going.

"Yeah," he whispers back, not trusting his own voice not to crack. "Just new." 

Magnus shifts again, completely pulling away so he's sitting upright. Alec realizes his hands are free, but doesn't move them from above his head. Magnus looks down at Alec, and he can see the question playing in his eyes. "What?" Alec asks, voice laced with something too close to desperation. 

"Can I take your shirt off?" Magnus asks then, words falling simply from his mouth. Alec tries to imagine asking the same of Magnus, and knows it wouldn't sound anywhere near as collected. "Only if you want to, of course." He adds at the end when Alec doesn't reply immediately. 

"Yes," he says easily then. 

Magnus moves as soon as Alec approves the idea, taking the black tshirt in his hands and carefully pulling it up Alec's torso and over his arms. Once he has it off completely he throws it somewhere out of Alec's line of sight, and focuses his attention on all the newly exposed skin. 

Unthinking, Alec's arms moves automatically down then, crossing over and obscuring the darker sections of his scarring. It's not that he's ashamed, because he's not. And he trusts Magnus implicitly with everything. He doesn't know why it's his response, as if on autopilot. 

He supposes his brain is several steps ahead of him, because fear suddenly prickles over him. Izzy tells him all the time that he over thinks things to death. And in the split second that Magnus looked away to toss his shirt, and his arms crossed over his chest, that's exactly what he did. He's never been with anyone like this, no one's ever seen his body in this context. At work if people see the scars littered across his skin they assume it's from fighting, lord knows every shadowhunter has enough scars to write books about. But with Magnus, with this thing between them, Alec's never been seen like this, never been so disarmed. 

Throughout his day, his duty, he is able to carefully sheild anything that he needs to keep to himself. He has barriers and boundaries that he is in control of, masks of the various roles he leads. But he's never been in this role before, never been thrown into the deep end of something like this before realizing he maybe doesn't know how to swim. 

His internal thoughts must come through in his face, his breathing, because he feels Magnus halt and stiffen above him. "Darling are you okay? Alexander?" 

Hearing his name, the name only Magnus uses in it's full length, snaps him out of the panic that was slowly building in his head. He locks eyes with Magnus and nods, "Yeah," his voice is dry, he swallows and tries again, "Yeah. I'm good." 

"Nothing has to happen here Alec," Magnus reminds him, "If you aren't comfortable we can go back to watching movies. Its alright." 

Alec shakes his head again, "No it's not that." He sighs, so much of his day to day is action driven, but he needs words in times like this and they always manage to fail him. "It's just I over think. I know that everything is alright and I'm not uncomfortable. I just get caught in my head. No one's ever seen me like this, no one's wanted me like this. It's just new, and I'm not always the best at new."

Magnus nods along to this, seriously listening to everything Alec is telling him. "I'm glad to hear you're comfortable, but please tell me if that changes ever in anything we do. I only want to see you if you want to be seen back." 

He trails a ringed finger calmly down Alec's bicep, causing Alec to realize his arms were still crossed. He moves his hands to his sides in order to get them out of the way. "I want to," he says simply, not trusting any other words. 

Magnus smiles gently at this, looking from Alec's eyes and slowly down his torso. Alec watches Magnus watch him, and sees the way his eyes settle on the scars for the briefest of moments on the way back up to his eyes. He doesn't feel overwhelmed like he had, watching Magnus' ears go red does wonders for his confidence in fact. He feels seen, truly seen for the first time. 

"Darling, you're beautiful," Magnus tells him softly, leaning back down to kiss Alec. 

He feels lighter than air in the moment their lips connect. For the first time, he actually believes the words from Magnus' mouth. It's an incredibly dizzying feeling, and once he gets Magnus' shirt off as well, evening the playing field, he wonders how he ever thought he could go a lifetime without this. Then he kisses Magnus, and thanks ever angel he can name that he doesn't have to.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if any of that came off as awkward.  
If there was anything you liked or didn't like, comments are always appreciated.  
This was something a little different, but good for me to write. I really hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
